Jermaine Stewart: "Don't Talk Dirty to Me" / Fairground Attraction: "A Smile in a Whisper"

21 September 1988

This is the second in an occasional series in which pop groups review the singles and fail to agree on a favourite. The Communards did pretty well for themselves in spite of their disagreements, picking a pair of top level pop records for joint Single of the Fortnight. Not up to the task as well, Bros sift through the new releases and wind up choosing a pair of nondescript numbers. And fair enough, they're hardly the first "critics" to pick a mediocrity and they're far from the last. But not only are the songs not up to much but Matt, Luke and Ken don't have much to say about their picks either. No, there was only one review present in which they contribute anything worth writing about more than thirty years later and it's about their bete noire The Wonder Stuff. So, for this post I'll be focusing on the supplementary post (as always, filed under Also of some cop) with their respective SOTF only being touched upon briefly. A one-off roll reversal, then. Enjoy!

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"The b-side's called "Astley In The Noose" is it? Presumably they hate us as well, right?"

— Matt

"The thing that annoys me is that we play as much live as they play live, exactly the same instruments except with a different style and different music so I don't know what they're on about."

— Luke

"Sick."

— Ken

Also "Reviewed" This Fortnight

The Wonder Stuff: "It's Yer Money I'm After, Baby"

"It's Yer Money I'm After Baby" was The Wonder Stuff's fifth single. Their debut album The Eight Legged Groove machine had been released a month earlier to positive reviews (even in Smash Hits; it wasn't just the "serious" music press that championed them) and previous single "A Wish Away" had only just missed the Top 40 so things were starting to look up. They were still a few years away from being one of the biggest groups in the country and it would've difficult in 1988 to imagine them getting that big but there was something to them. In Miles Hunt they had a charismatic frontman who was equal parts Noddy Holder, John Lydon and Robert Plant. They looked a state but they could play and had already cultivated a loyal following. All they needed was for the media to start paying attention. Good thing they had a song called "Astley in the Noose" to do just that.

It was only a b-side but it was getting attention. The song is actually discussed twice in this fortnight's issue of Smash Hits. Rick Astley sat down with Hits scribe Tom Doyle to look at some questions that fans had sent in. Among some very Hitsian queries — Have you ever had the urge to run into Tescos and shout "Sainsburys!"?, Which Muppet from The Muppet Show do you think resembles you the most — one pop kid wrote in to ask, What do you think about The Wonder Stuff writing a song called "Astley in the Noose"? (The record had only just come out and it was already coming up in a Q&A so clearly there was a buzz surrounding it)

Perhaps surprisingly, Astley took it in good humour. He wasn't overly familiar with them ("are they some indie band or something?") but seemed impressed by the sentiment ("I suppose I'm quite honoured in a way. Good on you The Wonder Stuff. I'd like to meet them someday..."). If his feelings had been hurt by the imagery of him being hanged he didn't express it here. Rick Astley understood how to be the bigger person and how to take a slight and make light of it.

Flip over to the singles review page and you'll note that Bros reacted differently. Now, they could have fired back by standing up for the singer. Matt Goss could've said "Rick Astley's a good bloke and doesn't deserve to be treated this way", Luke could've said "Rick's a performer just like them and should be treated with respect" and Ken could've said "Yeah" and all would've been fine. They would've missed the point of the song either way but at least they would've been nobly defending the honour of a fellow pop star.

But they went a different way by making it all about themselves. Having shot to fame that year with mega hits "When Will I Be Famous?", "Doctor Boy" and "I Owe You Nothing", they quickly developed a thorny relationship with their critics. They delighted in having the tabloids cover their every move until it came back to bite them and they often felt disrespected by other bands. Though they hadn't really paid their dues, they still expected to be treated like any other group and would eventually claim that they were "about longevity", which fascinated that great observer of all things pop Neil Tennant (to the extent that he used it in "How Can You Expect to Be Taken Seriously", one of the Pet Shop Boys' great ironic numbers). So to have a shouty Miles Hunt lay waste to Astley them was just not on.

Their "review" begins with some guarded praise of "It's Yer Money I'm After Baby". It isn't really their thing (no big shock there) but they do have positive things to say, with Ken admitting that it has a "good melody". Then, they take note of the song on the flip side and suddenly all bets are off. Matt says that they would never be so crass as to have a song called "The Wonder Stuff In The Noose" while Luke admits that he doesn't know "what they're on about". (Giving it a spin would've helped)

Had Bros given a listen to this song with the title that offends them so much, they may have discovered a thing or two. First, they likely would have been even more horrified by the "I wouldn't kill you even if you paid me" line ("Presumably they wouldn't kill us even if someone paid them too..."). More significant, however, is the reveal that he they "shouldn't take this to heart / it's all to do with art and entertainment". Rick Astley Bros aren't the target, it's their crappy music. Somehow I don't think this would have placated the Goss twins and the other one.

Ultimately, "Astley in the Noose" is a good tune but the lyrics are a little too on the nose and speak more to Hunt's rage than to crafting great pop of their own. Significantly, The Wonder Stuff would channel more or less the same sentiments into their following single. "Who Wants to Be the Disco King?" is just as pointed an attack on the state of current pop but with subtler imagery and Hunt shifting between anger and wistfulness. While "It's Yer Money..." only just dented the Top 40 with a single week at the very bottom of the table, "...Disco King" peaked at no. 28 and was the highest new entry that week. Slow, modest steps but encouraging and a sign that maybe there were more potential Wonder Stuff fans out there. I happened to be one of them but not for another two or three years.

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The late Jermaine Stewart had hit it big around the world with "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" in 1985 but his fortunes dipped by '88. UK success, however, had continued with the Top 20 hits "Say It Again" and "Get Lucky". "Don't Talk Dirty to Me" is more of the same, a throwback to the NY clubs that was still clinging to relevance. Yeah, there were still popular records just like this at the time but they were beginning to fade away. Luke and Ken love it because it's their type of thing and that's fine but in the end it's just another R&B disco tune in a world packed to the brim with 'em.

~~~~~

The buskers from up north had surprised many when they went to no. 1 with "Perfect". Riding the momentum, follow-up "Find My Love" (which this blogger maintains is the superior single) got itself a Top 10 spot but the hits were running out for Fairport Fairground Convention Attraction. "A Smile in a Whisper" is a fine opener to their album The First of a Million Kisses but it has no business being a single — and, indeed, the same goes for everything else on their LP. Scraping the bottom of the barrel tends to go a lot deeper but maybe this is less a barrel and more a sugar bowl on the kitchen table. And there's nothing like trying to dislodge an encrusted clump of the sweet stuff just to make your bowl of Special K that bit less tasteless, is there?