"Tunes himself sounds as menacing as usual, and as usual you can't make out a word he's saying but who cares when he comes out with tracks as vicious as this one?"
— Miranda "Boon-Eh" Sawyer
Two new releases in this issue of Smash Hits came with arty black and white videos that my mum would describe as "racey". One of them includes a gentleman naked right down to his bare ass going for a swim, a couple getting up to all sorts of capers in a bubble bath and another amourous pair getting it on outside in the rain, their bodies covered in leaves and dirt but not in any clothing to speak of. The other has a narrative of a troubled woman wandering about in a hotel corridor who quickly gets seduced by a handsome fellow. Only one these promos was deemed unfit for TV and it wasn't the one featuring pools and baths and rain. Everyone was upset about Madonna's "Justify My Love" while no one seemed to care about Pet Shop Boys' "Being Boring". Curious.
Sex and nudity in music videos has long been issue — and one that has long been beset by double standards. George Michael's supposedly controversial short for "I Want Your Sex" is surprisingly free of titillation yet it ended up being censored. Meanwhile U2's promo for "With or Without You" managed to escape the wrath of the prudes in spite of shots of a naked woman. But it was in 1990 and '91 that this reached its peak. Not much of a fuss was made over Chris Isaak's vid for "Wicked Game" which made prominent use of a clothing-deprived Helena Christensen. In Canada, Francophone singer Mitsou got into some trouble when she and some models disrobed for her hit "Dis-mois, dis-mois". Not only did people get way too upset about some pop videos but they managed to do so in such a maddeningly selective fashion. In the early part of '91, Canadian music video channel MuchMusic did a panel discussion centred around Madonna and Mitsou that only mentioned Pet Shop Boys in passing and failed to bring up Chris Isaak at all.
It should go without saying that the release of a new Madonna single was an event. This wasn't always the case — I don't recall anyone being excited by "Hanky Panky" hitting the shops the previous summer — but it certainly was at the tail end of 1990. Not only did "Justify My Love" come with a very naughty video but it came out to promote The Immaculate Collection, her hotly anticipated greatest hits set. While new tracks off a best of are generally unremarkable, the sort of recording that artists fart out with minimal effort since it's intended to be tacked on to a compilation that is meant to sell like crazy either way, but to Madge's credit, she certainly tried to do something new in this instance. (Not so much with the other new track, the forgettable "Rescue Me" which shouldn't have been good enough for inclusion since "Who's That Girl" and "True Blue" both got left off)
"Justify My Love" is the kind of single that is better as a concept than as a listening experience. Madonna had long been a sex symbol and I like the idea of her throwing it all back in the face of her critics with such a steamy recording (and, indeed, video). Played once, it's a startling experience but on subsequent listens it just sort of glides by. The Immaculate Collection is full of hits that my generation had grown up with and it's only right that she would do something so explicit at a time when we were also getting interested in sex. With AIDS panic all over the place, it was also refreshing to hear someone crying out for a good, hard shag. It just ain't much fun to listen to. Not a blot on her discography but by no means a highlight.
Thus, the ultra pervy Madonna had arrived. She had already exposed plenty of skin in the "Express Yourself" video a year-and-a-half earlier but this was a whole new level of sexual naughtiness. The Truth or Dare (aka In Bed with Madonna, a much better title even if it was also a shameless rip off of In Bed with Chris Needham) documentary would come along the following year, as would her notorious Sex book. She looked to be going family friendly with her appearance in the women's baseball movie A League of Their Own but that was swiftly followed by the Erotica album and her starring role in the pitiful Body of Evidence. Once formidable, now a bit of a joke. But she'd be back — possibly even in this space though that remains to be seen.
But hey, isn't Madonna clever?
~~~~~
"Primary Rhyming" isn't up to much, even by Tunes' modest standards. "The Only Rhyme That Bites" (pretentiously credited to 'MC Tunes vs. 808 State'; apparently dance and hip hop artists don't collaborate so much as they are in a fight to the death with one another) was a pretty nice stab at that early-nineties lightning-fast rap style with some seriously scary 808 State production work backing it. The novelty wears off quickly and it's distracting the way he gasps for breath between lines but it was potent for a time. Tunes and 808 slowed things down considerably for follow-up "Tunes Splits the Atom" but that only gave away that he was a third rate rapper and that they had better things to do on their own (or "vs." UB40). Two singles in an everyone was already sick of him.
A good thing, then, that he doesn't factor much into "Primary Rhyming". The pointless 'vs.' credit was done away with but replaced by 'MC Tunes presents...', an acknowledgement that he was stepping aside and let others annoy the public with their raps rather than his. Oh Paul, don't be such a bitch! Okay, let me say that the first part helmed by 'The Microphoness' (aka 'The First Mancunian Lady; "snatching the title from Modom Vera Duckworth", as Sawyer amusingly notes) is rather good. She handles herself well, finding her way around a rap with an easy, effortless style. Had she not wound up on such an otherwise useless record she might well have had a chance at a recording career of some note. Sadly, much of "Primary Rhyming"'s running time is taken by a very youthful, very horrible Dewiz. Young boys never rap well and he proves to be worse than normal. Somehow, he returns for more near the end, with The Mircophoness not heard from again (she must've ducked out of the studio as soon as she heard who'd she be guesting with). Tunes himself only pops in for a twenty second appearance midway through. Sawyer may well be frightened but I am disinterested by the results. The appeal of MC Tunes was narrow enough but having some youngsters spell for him clearly wasn't helping.
You know what? Forget it. Sawyer made a huge mistake passing up on Pet Shop Boys' "Being Boring". That song kills. It's like "In My Life" only more mature and individual. I wish I could have been blogging about it this week. I could've even gone into how much the video turned me on, especially the couple rolling around in the rain. Hmf indeed.
~~~~~
Also Reviewed This Fortnight
The Farm: "All Together Now"
Lad culture was just starting and the football terraces were being phased out so I suppose it makes sense that it never occurred to either The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays to create an anthem for mobs of youths to sing along with. A shame since the indie-dance of baggy was suited to just such a number. Luckily those silly sods The Farm were there to pick up the slack. I wonder if everyone who has chanted it in stadiums and in pubs in the thirty-plus years since has realised that it's about First World War troops laying down their lives in no man's land. Then again, football players all about sacrifice so they're no different than canon fodder at the Somme, right? All kidding aside, "All Together Now" is a stirring tune that does its job as well as can be expected. Amazingly, it didn't soundtrack an international tourney until the horribly boring Euro 2004; Greece improbably won by putting their opponents to sleep but at least there was a great song to sing while welcoming Rooney and Ronaldo to the scene. And, alas, bidding a fond farewell to Luis Figo.
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