— Jools Holland
Allow me, before I begin, to drop in a pair of aphorisms I've written especially for this week's post — "in a world in which everyone is a critic, who critiques the critics?" and "sometimes you bite the panel and sometimes the panel bites you". I read "national" "treasure" Jools Holland's singles review guest spot and I've decided to assemble my very own panel of four very real, in no way conjured up in my imagination members of the public to go through them with me and provide their thoughts. We've decided to go through it subject by subject.
~~~~~
"Crazy Over You" vs. "Love of the Common People": The Single of the Fortnight Wars
So, technically, "Love of the Common People" isn't this issue's SOTF. True, it earned 'Whopper' status from Holland's panel and more praise than any other records up for consideration but someone decided to shove their own single on, then bashed a panelist for rightly pointing out a conflict of interest and unilaterally declared it to be "Single Of The Week" (sic.) "...if not The Decade". I'm glad at least one person thought highly of "Crazy Over You". I don't care about the ethics of choosing your own single — we'll eventually get to a couple examples of exactly that on here — but there's something a bit off about using your position as guest reviewer to get your own record on. Plus, the panel didn't have anything to contribute (either that or Holland didn't wish to include whatever they may have had to say). Finally, it's probable that this was all just a big joke: I mean, really, not even Jools Holland could have liked this lousy record, right? My panel agree that "Crazy Over You" sucks but they don't care about my justifications for disqualifying it from being SOTF. They're quite the jolly gang, this lot.
Jeff Lynne Ain't Fat and Neither Is His Production
Perhaps Holland couldn't bring himself to say anything positive about the latest from Electric Light Orchestra because it's not up to much, not even ELO by numbers. So, he goes off on a long-winded thing about the fat production but that we shouldn't confuse that with Jeff Lynn's (sic.) weight or something. Helpful. The panel had never stopped to consider the great songwriter's body-mass index before but clearly aren't interested in a deeper-dive. Fumbling for quite what to say, I mention that I'd like to form a jazz Electric Light Orchestra/Emerson, Lake & Palmer tribute act called 'Electric Lake Quintet' (because, you know, ELO, ELP, ELQ!) but they remain unmoved. Where did I dig up these lifeless dullards?
Nope, Not at All Condescending
"Love of the Common People"? Yeah, best not talk down to the lower orders, treat 'em with dignity and respect.
"...of Channel 4's The Tube"?
I'm surprised to see this brief descriptive below His Nibs' name since (a) he's bloody Jools Holland and surely everyone knows who he is and always has and (b) has he always been known as a TV presenter? Was there ever a time in which he was simply a pianist with Squeeze and, er, Jools Holland's Magnificent Boogie Woogie Summer Fun Band? Everyone on the panel shrugs. They all like him but one woman complains that it's been "far too long since he's had Simply Red on" which is a fair point.
Poverty
There are great songs about economic hardship. Elvis Presley's "In the Ghetto" and Stevie Wonder's "Living for the City" are but two. Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise" is another except it isn't much cop at all. But what these two good songs and a bad one share is that poverty is a societal ill that needs dealing with. Solutions may differ (Wonder's stance seems to be that it's ingrained, Collins takes a gentler, if quite naive, approach that we should all try to be just a bit more considerate towards the destitute) but at least they're offering something. "Love of the Common People", not so much. Hard work, prayer, resignation, stoicism: this is what the common folk are all about. Don't try to help them, they don't need it and didn't ask for it. The panel look on askance and I'm pretty sure they think I'm an elitist. Bloody proles.
Short Shrift for ver Picks
"A very pretty song sung by this devastating vocal group": Holland's well thought-out feelings on The Flying Pickets' "Only You" in full. His beloved panel apparently weren't needed for this one. Holland either didn't know or didn't feel it necessary to bring up that it was a cover of Yazoo's excellent original nor that it was destined to be that year's Christmas number one. (He didn't even give us his odds for what Mrs. Thatcher would make of it) My panel agree with Holland's assessment ("spot on," one chap states) and not one of them seems to believe me when I bring up the Pickets' socialism and support for striking miners. But I'm the elitist.
You're the Voice
1983 was Paul Young's year (and he would have some more, culminating with a performance at Live Aid that won the hearts of a lot of housewives the world over) and his reviews of the time all praise his sturdy vocal chops — although that's hardly a surprise here given the lame material he was working with. And, yeah, there is something to his voice: soulful, affecting, just a bit sandpappery for gravitas. Doesn't overdo it either. I tell the panel about my background as a bit of a Youngarian: when I was thirteen and not particularly interested in being hip, I quite liked him, his version of "Oh Girl" getting to number one on my own version of the chart. The panel nod along kind of indifferently, which does sum up Young fandom. I ask them to name their favourite Paul Young song and they mention "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)" and "Everytime You Go Away" but I'm surprised to hear that they don't rate "Senza una donna", his '91 hit with Italian singer Zucchero (he could have been as big as Madonna, you know). One fellow chimes in with praise for his work with Mike + The Mechanics but I point out that he's talking about a different Paul Young. I suspect the panel think I'm a know-it-all.
~~~~~
Also Reviewed This Fortnight
Kirsty MacColl: "Terry"
Uh, What's Going on in That Video?
Our Kirsty is a bubbly ginger with a killer smile living in the fifties with a geeky boyfriend —who we'll call 'Bernard' — who treats her poorly and doesn't deserve her. Tall, handsome, "tough as Marlon Brando" Terry comes along, pushes Bernard out of the way and sweeps her off her feet. Bernard comes knocking at her door in tears but she casts him aside and rides off into the sunset with good, old Terry. True love. They wind up at a club with Terr playing a gig with his band before Bernard crashes the stage with a wild guitar solo. In the ensuing melee, Bernard knocks out Terry and, suddenly, he and Kirsty are back together. Oh wait, is Terry actually Bernard and Bernard Terry? Maybe all guys are half Terry, half Bernard. (Mind blown!) The panel isn't exactly riveted by my analysis so I pour us all whiskys and we have a laugh at Ade Edmondson's performance as Terry/Bernard and we long for the days when Kirsty MacColl was still alive to make the pop scene and our lives just that much better.
Allow me, before I begin, to drop in a pair of aphorisms I've written especially for this week's post — "in a world in which everyone is a critic, who critiques the critics?" and "sometimes you bite the panel and sometimes the panel bites you". I read "national" "treasure" Jools Holland's singles review guest spot and I've decided to assemble my very own panel of four very real, in no way conjured up in my imagination members of the public to go through them with me and provide their thoughts. We've decided to go through it subject by subject.
~~~~~
"Crazy Over You" vs. "Love of the Common People": The Single of the Fortnight Wars
So, technically, "Love of the Common People" isn't this issue's SOTF. True, it earned 'Whopper' status from Holland's panel and more praise than any other records up for consideration but someone decided to shove their own single on, then bashed a panelist for rightly pointing out a conflict of interest and unilaterally declared it to be "Single Of The Week" (sic.) "...if not The Decade". I'm glad at least one person thought highly of "Crazy Over You". I don't care about the ethics of choosing your own single — we'll eventually get to a couple examples of exactly that on here — but there's something a bit off about using your position as guest reviewer to get your own record on. Plus, the panel didn't have anything to contribute (either that or Holland didn't wish to include whatever they may have had to say). Finally, it's probable that this was all just a big joke: I mean, really, not even Jools Holland could have liked this lousy record, right? My panel agree that "Crazy Over You" sucks but they don't care about my justifications for disqualifying it from being SOTF. They're quite the jolly gang, this lot.
Jeff Lynne Ain't Fat and Neither Is His Production
Perhaps Holland couldn't bring himself to say anything positive about the latest from Electric Light Orchestra because it's not up to much, not even ELO by numbers. So, he goes off on a long-winded thing about the fat production but that we shouldn't confuse that with Jeff Lynn's (sic.) weight or something. Helpful. The panel had never stopped to consider the great songwriter's body-mass index before but clearly aren't interested in a deeper-dive. Fumbling for quite what to say, I mention that I'd like to form a jazz Electric Light Orchestra/Emerson, Lake & Palmer tribute act called 'Electric Lake Quintet' (because, you know, ELO, ELP, ELQ!) but they remain unmoved. Where did I dig up these lifeless dullards?
Nope, Not at All Condescending
"Love of the Common People"? Yeah, best not talk down to the lower orders, treat 'em with dignity and respect.
"...of Channel 4's The Tube"?
I'm surprised to see this brief descriptive below His Nibs' name since (a) he's bloody Jools Holland and surely everyone knows who he is and always has and (b) has he always been known as a TV presenter? Was there ever a time in which he was simply a pianist with Squeeze and, er, Jools Holland's Magnificent Boogie Woogie Summer Fun Band? Everyone on the panel shrugs. They all like him but one woman complains that it's been "far too long since he's had Simply Red on" which is a fair point.
Poverty
There are great songs about economic hardship. Elvis Presley's "In the Ghetto" and Stevie Wonder's "Living for the City" are but two. Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise" is another except it isn't much cop at all. But what these two good songs and a bad one share is that poverty is a societal ill that needs dealing with. Solutions may differ (Wonder's stance seems to be that it's ingrained, Collins takes a gentler, if quite naive, approach that we should all try to be just a bit more considerate towards the destitute) but at least they're offering something. "Love of the Common People", not so much. Hard work, prayer, resignation, stoicism: this is what the common folk are all about. Don't try to help them, they don't need it and didn't ask for it. The panel look on askance and I'm pretty sure they think I'm an elitist. Bloody proles.
Short Shrift for ver Picks
"A very pretty song sung by this devastating vocal group": Holland's well thought-out feelings on The Flying Pickets' "Only You" in full. His beloved panel apparently weren't needed for this one. Holland either didn't know or didn't feel it necessary to bring up that it was a cover of Yazoo's excellent original nor that it was destined to be that year's Christmas number one. (He didn't even give us his odds for what Mrs. Thatcher would make of it) My panel agree with Holland's assessment ("spot on," one chap states) and not one of them seems to believe me when I bring up the Pickets' socialism and support for striking miners. But I'm the elitist.
You're the Voice
1983 was Paul Young's year (and he would have some more, culminating with a performance at Live Aid that won the hearts of a lot of housewives the world over) and his reviews of the time all praise his sturdy vocal chops — although that's hardly a surprise here given the lame material he was working with. And, yeah, there is something to his voice: soulful, affecting, just a bit sandpappery for gravitas. Doesn't overdo it either. I tell the panel about my background as a bit of a Youngarian: when I was thirteen and not particularly interested in being hip, I quite liked him, his version of "Oh Girl" getting to number one on my own version of the chart. The panel nod along kind of indifferently, which does sum up Young fandom. I ask them to name their favourite Paul Young song and they mention "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)" and "Everytime You Go Away" but I'm surprised to hear that they don't rate "Senza una donna", his '91 hit with Italian singer Zucchero (he could have been as big as Madonna, you know). One fellow chimes in with praise for his work with Mike + The Mechanics but I point out that he's talking about a different Paul Young. I suspect the panel think I'm a know-it-all.
~~~~~
Also Reviewed This Fortnight
Kirsty MacColl: "Terry"
Uh, What's Going on in That Video?
Our Kirsty is a bubbly ginger with a killer smile living in the fifties with a geeky boyfriend —who we'll call 'Bernard' — who treats her poorly and doesn't deserve her. Tall, handsome, "tough as Marlon Brando" Terry comes along, pushes Bernard out of the way and sweeps her off her feet. Bernard comes knocking at her door in tears but she casts him aside and rides off into the sunset with good, old Terry. True love. They wind up at a club with Terr playing a gig with his band before Bernard crashes the stage with a wild guitar solo. In the ensuing melee, Bernard knocks out Terry and, suddenly, he and Kirsty are back together. Oh wait, is Terry actually Bernard and Bernard Terry? Maybe all guys are half Terry, half Bernard. (Mind blown!) The panel isn't exactly riveted by my analysis so I pour us all whiskys and we have a laugh at Ade Edmondson's performance as Terry/Bernard and we long for the days when Kirsty MacColl was still alive to make the pop scene and our lives just that much better.
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