Credit to the Nation: "Teenage Sensation"

2 March 1994

"The nearest approximation thus far to the whistly weather-report thing that's on before Richard and Judy — at last!!

— Sylvia Patterson

My mum, lonely and bored stiff stuck at home while the rest of us were at school, once wrote to Richard and Judy. They — or someone on their behalf at any rate — wrote back. She also may have been acknowledged on their popular This Morning program when they spoke to someone in charge of tours of the Coronation St set who mentioned that they had recently had visitors from Canada (and guess who just so happened to have taken a walk through Weatherfield at that same time?).

I relate the above because (a) Sylvia Patterson seemed to have had Richard and Judy on the brain in this her twelfth bash at the Smash Hits singles and (b) I don't have any other idea how to commence this review of a single which inspires nothing more than profound indifference in me. Bloody hell, now I'm just going to have to pad out this piece a little more. Let me see if I can think of some more Richard and Judy anecdotes...

The Incredible T*H* Scratchers starring Freddy Love: "Hip-Hop-Bommi-Bop"

Kurtis Blow: "I'm Chillin'"

Run-DMC: "Mary, Mary"

De La Soul: "Say No Go"

Redhead Kingpin & The FBI: "Do the Right Thing"

Redhead Kingpin & The FBI: "Superbad, Superslick"

Salt 'N' Pepa: "Expression"

The Jungle Brothers: "What U Waitin' 4"

Monie Love: "Monie in the Middle"

MC Tunes: "Primary Rhyming"

Dream Warriors: "Ludi"

PM Dawn: "Set Adrift on a Memory Bliss"

Cookie Crew: "Love Will Bring Us Back Together"

Hammer: "Addams' Groove"

Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch: "Music for the People"

Kris Kross: "Jump"

PM Dawn: "I'd Die Without You"

Arrested Development: "Mr. Wendal"

Monie Love: "Born 2 B.R.E.E.D."

Apache Indian: "Boom-Shack-a-Lack"

Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince: "Boom! Shake the Room"

Credit to the Nation: "Teenage Sensation"

This is a list of every Smash Hits Single of the Fortnight/Best New Single that qualifies as hip hop from 1979 up until the early part of 1994. There are obvious shades of grey present. For example, I don't think I can quite justify why PM Dawn is present while I chose to leave Neneh Cherry off. Plus, I disqualified Tom Tom Club's "Wordy Wrappinghood" due to, well, being a novelty song produced by members of clever clogs Talking Heads. Then there were the pop songs with guest raps mostly involving Scritti Politti alongside Roger Troutman and Shabba Ranks. Toeing the line, sure, but not full on hip hop.

As I think I have no doubt mentioned in every single blog post on the genre, I am not a fan of rap. With that (once again) out of the way, allow me to acknowledge just how impressive the above list is — even if Redhead Kingpin being on here twice is at least one too many. Varied as well. It's a bit of a crime against suspense that my favourite remains "Hip-Hop-Bommi-Bop", one of the greatest finds I have made since I began this blog (checks notes) six years ago. Nevertheless, I'd defend the inclusion of roughly 75% of them.

One of the trends this list highlights is rap which the critics approve of. This being a blog all about best new singles, this is about the most obvious statement I could make but what I'm referring to is the through line that connects De La Soul, Redhead Kingpin, The Jungle Brothers, Monie Love, Arrested Development and, yes, Credit to the Nation. Groups with a "message" of one kind or another. Groups with something positive to say. Groups who may have enjoyed the approval of rock critics but who often weren't nearly as loved by the kids out there.

As if out to show just how much ver Hits approved of Credit to the Nation, they put out a feature in the following issue profiling the 'Five Hardest Rap Acts in the World'. The first four were and/or are superstars: Ice Cube, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Ice T (though I must confess that his hip hop career has become something of an afterthought to all those years of him playing Fin Tutuola on the telly) and Cypress Hill. This quartet, Mark Sutherland points out, were all massively popular but problematic. There's sexism in their lyrics as well as homophobia, drugs and violence. He doesn't bash them entirely but the bulk of his praise is saved for fifth entry MC Fusion, leader of Credit to the Nation, a group who he reckons "looks likely to be the first real UK rap star". (Are Derek B's ears burning?)

While I'm happy that MC Fusion (real name: Matty Hanson) is a good bloke who respects women and is against fascism and homophobia, much of Sutherland's write up feels like code for 'actually he's rather boring but I'd rather not say so'. With trusty old Sylvia Patterson in the reviewer's chair, there's less of a concern that she'll go with someone due to having good values and all that nonsense but it's still shrouded in 'I'm an adult and I'll straighten them kids out when it comes to rap they ought to be listening to' vibes.

Yet, despite the indie cred and the thumbs up from reviewers, "Teenage Sensation" only managed to peak in the twenties. Not a bad showing but not great either and it ended up being their only scrap of Top 40 action. Intelligent rap always appealed to the journalists but their enthusiasm wasn't echoed by the public. Thrilling and vaguely dangerous hip hop will always win out. You could watch your average weather man or woman with a green screen of Europe or North America behind them or you could be transfixed by This Morning's Fred Talbot as he jumped all over a map of the British Isles on Liverpool's Albert Docks — but you can't have both.

~~~~~

Also Reviewed This Fortnight

Blur: "Girls and Boys"

For a group who still have yet to nab a Single of the Fortnight Best New Single of their own, Blur sure seem to be coming up a lot in this space. I was going to blog about "Doop" but I couldn't be arsed and chose this candidate for song of the year instead. It's surprising to read contemporary reviews mentioning the roots of "Girls and Boys" in eighties' synth-pop, something that had never really occurred to me despite a Pet Shop Boys' remix that appeared as a bonus cut on their seminal Parklife album. What I always heard was the next step up from Madchester: roaring and relentless indie-dance to appeal just as much to football fans chanting in a terrace as it would to moody and spotty youths in their bedrooms. While it's easy to coat down Hits critics for making the "wrong" top single pick, I can't for the life of me imagine how anyone could give this brilliant record a spin and not be convinced it wipes the floor with Credit to the Nation. I'm not saying I'm right even though I am.

Leila K: "Ça plane pour moi"

23 June 1993

"Phew! Ruck and Rool! (Or whatever it is in French)."

— Sylvia Patterson

This is the second consecutive Single of the Fortnight Best New Single which is a rather unnecessary though endearingly naff cover version. Last time it was "I Am the Walrus" recorded by an entrepreneur-turned-crowded pleasing doofus in hippie garb; now it's "Ça plane pour moi", a new wave/pop classic of the late-seventies transformed into a something on the thrashier side of Eurodance.

Being in her mid-twenties, Leila K was a much more marketable figure than Mike Fab-Gere so she ought to have been pumping out the hits. To some extent she did but in the UK the chart hits were more modest. The catchy pop-rap of "Got to Get" took her into the Top 10 in 1991 but her only other Top 40 entry was "Open Sesame" from early '93 which reached a respectable but ultimately nothing special number twenty-three. What did both of these records have in common for the Swedish model-turned-pop princess? She rapped and/or sang in English on both of 'em.

The influence of the Continent had been all over the pop charts in 1993. Eurodance duos like Culture Beat, 2 Unlimited, Capella and The Good Men (aka Chocolate Puma) all scored major hits. Solo artist Haddaway was also a player in this movement. While they hailed from different countries, they all shared more than just their pumping beats: their vocals were done in English. The same applied to Swedes Ace of Base at the same time though they were much more of a "proper" group. They may have performed in the mother tongues when they were back home but once they'd gone international it was the world's lingua franca all day.

To do a cover of "Ça plane pour moi" in the context of early nineties' Eurodance must have seemed like a timely move. Not only does it capture that Eurotrash aesthetic of runway models and fast fashion and tanned guys with ponytails cruising around in their Lamborghinis but it manages to undermine the original by Plastic Bertrand by shoving it into the similarly lowbrow culture from its own time. Where it was once a fresh bit of catchy pop-punk, it was now transformed into a theme for endless rail strikes, trashy holiday spots on the Costa del Sol and pathetic bands representing Yugoslavia at Eurovision. Eurotrash wasn't a recent phenomenon, it had always been around.

Plastic Bertrand's original managed to survive if only because Leila K's interpretation wasn't as big as it deserved to be. While said to have been something of a big deal in the newly established Czech Republic, it came up well short of the UK Top 40. Sylvia Patterson's assessment is bang on but this had little effect on its chances. She would have been well-advised to have done it in English (or just covered its Anglo equivalent "Jet Boy, Jet Girl" instead) since Britain in '93 had very little time for foreign languages on their charts.

It probably isn't quite as fun and mad as the Plastic Bertrand original but Leila K's rendition has charms of its own. As Patterson suggests, it's updated for the nineties and the Eurodance scene while still retaining some crazy guitar work. Speaking of how it managed to undermine Bertrand's '78 hit, isn't it strange that it hadn't been a disco floor filler until '93? Sure, it's punk and/or new wave and/or post-punk (the very fact that no one can seem to agree on a genre or subgenre tells you all you need to know about how unique it is) but at it's heart it's always been a dance track. We just never knew it until Leila K set us straight.

With the completion of the Channel Tunnel imminent, it looked as if Britain was becoming much more European as the nineties progressed. Voices like that of that great French resident Nigel Lawson that the European Union was fast evolving into a 'United States of Europe' were being rightly ignored. Yet, the British wanted nothing more than to be British: the sort of people who spend about half their time worshiping America and the other half despising their godforsaken friends on the other side of the Atlantic and who typically didn't want to have that much to do with Europe itself. The coming lad culture wasn't expecting to help bring about Brexit but they should take some of the credit for having done so.

~~~~~

Also Reviewed This Fortnight

Blur: "Chemical World"

The vendetta against Blur continues. I guess it's easy to see in retrospect but why didn't these pop critics recognize a talented quartet when one was right there in front of them. Patterson has never hid her distaste for Damon Albarn but I have to wonder if that's more to do with his unwillingness to reciprocate the friendship she desired rather than him being the utter git she long claimed him to be. Still, at least she's big enough to admit that "Chemical World" is  ace. But why the surprise? Well, she (rightly) didn't think much of "Popscene" from a year earlier but "For Tomorrow" had already been released nabbing them their customary number twenty-eight spot and that should have signaled to all that they had arrived. Yet, some were still in denial. But it wouldn't be long before the bulk of the critics began to give it all a big rethink.

Saint Etienne: "Who Do You Think You Are" / "Hobart Paving"

12 May 1993 (with more Britpop bitchiness here)

"I think they have real trouble having those sorts of faces and sounding like they do."

— Alex James

"It's wonderful shopping mall music. It's shopping mall music with attitude. That's what it is."

— Damon Albarn

First off, let's take that great, charming prat Alex James to task for the above quote. I know we can't all look like Dave Rowntree but is there something objectionable about the way Saint Etienne members Bob Stanley, Pete Wiggs and Sarah Cracknell look? Surely the Blur bassist and future Tory-supporting buffoon has seen Bobby Gillespie at some point, if not in the flesh then certainly on screen and/or in print at some point. While it may be that Stanley and Wiggs aren't over-blessed in terms of looks (though they're hardly ugly or anything), what of Cracknell who was an absolute knock out and probably still is.

To be fair to James, it's possible he's clumsily making the point that the combination of their pop sound with their supposedly rough appearances are too much of a contrast for pop stardom. It's possible but is it especially relevant? Given that Blur themselves had both James and singer Damon Albarn as pinups along with the geeky chic appeal of guitarist Graham Coxon (and, lest we forget, Rowntree, who was obviously trying to cover up his good looks by trying to appear like he worked in high street betting shop) and were also struggling with this whole pop game, it probably didn't matter either way.

It's hard to imagine Blur existing prior to the nineties. Yes, there had always been a place for The Kinks and XTC to serve up similarly in-your-face Britishness but they weren't composed of members that girls fancied and that other fellows longed to emulate. (That said, I could be wrong when it comes to The Kinks but I can't get past Ray Davies' slappable face) For their part, it's equally difficult to picture Saint Etienne being around earlier either. Though irony and knowing winks had been long-established pop music traditions, the genius of Stanley, Wiggs and Cracknell was that they were able to marry them to a surprisingly earnest retro chic that was only able to thrive once the fairlight polish had worn off from the eighties.

It's actually kind of a pity that Stanley or Wiggs never tried to pull an Ian McCulloch by claiming that Saint Etienne could easily have been Blur. Not, mind you, because there's any accuracy to such a statement — because clearly there isn't — but because it would have given them more of that pop star clout that the Essex Britpoppers chased and then rejected. For people so in love with all things pop, the 'Tienne never seemed keen enough to rush towards it. And that, Mr Cheesemaker and member of the ultra-douchebag Chipping Norton set (you've seriously lost touch with reality if you happen to be part of a "set"), held this pop trio back far more than their looks.

Not to get too much like the leader of Echo & The Bunnymen myself but in some ways Saint Etienne were far ahead of Blur in 1993. While a Top 10 hit eluded them (and still has), their run of 45's over the previous couple of years had been first rate and of a much more consistent quality than the supposedly great singles band who had the spirited baggy anthem "There's No Other Way" and not a whole lot else. Second album Modern Life Is Rubbish is now highly regarded by many but I consider it to be high on ideas while low on results. Character sketch numbers like "Colin Zeal" and "Pressure on Julian" fail to hold up the way the likes of "Tracy Jacks", "Magic America" and, yes, "Charmless Man" do. Hey, they got better and all the credit to them for doing so but they weren't quite ready for the top in '93 and it shows.

This isn't to say that Saint Etienne were perfect. Their pursuit of what Hits editor Mark Frith called their "perfect pop moment" could be grating at times. There was something far too deliberate about every step they'd take as well. And they seemed to have this desire to release a sublime double A-side when there was absolutely no need to do so.

The pairing "Who Do You Think You Are" and "Hobart Paving" is the sixth double A to take a Smash Hits Single of the Fortnight Best New Single in the first decade-and-a-half of the top pop mag. Significantly, though, only one (Jesus Loves You's "Bow Down Mister" / "Love Hurts") was acknowledged as being part of that particular medium in the reviews page. The others (The Jam's "Going Underground" / "Dreams of Children", Tracey Thorn's "Goodbye Joe" / "Plain Sailing", Bomb the Bass' "Don't Make Me Wait" / "Megablast" and, lo and behold, Saint Etienne's "Join Our Club" / "People Get Ready") only had one of their sides credited

A double A-side ought to force fans into making a choice which seemed to happen whenever The Beatles put one out. Do you prefer "We Can Work It Out?" or "Day Tripper"? "Yellow Submarine" or "Eleanor Rigby"? "Strawberry Fields Forever" or "Penny Lane"? "Come Together" or "Something"? If that doesn't happen then it's because fans of the Fab Four just wanted to keep flipping these brilliant records over. (How "Paperback Writer" and "Rain" was never a double A I'll never know) And while this can happen with other bands — "Don't Make Me Wait" / "Megablast" are both bangers — it generally doesn't. Much like on "Who Do You Think You Are", the single people are likely to remember, and "Hobart Paving", the one you either forgot all about or was never even aware of.

Not that "Hobart Paving" is poor. It's actually fairly poignant for them. It just isn't a single under any circumstance. What it sounds like is the penultimate track on an album whose creators wanted to go out on a less downbeat note. (Oh, those jokey closing tracks, the blight of damn-near every Byrds album) In the context of 1993 hits like R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" and Sting's "Fields of Gold" (not to mention plenty of other slow songs I'd rather not bring up) it might make sense to have such a lush "ballad" compete for a chart position but I'd much rather go with the on-brand Etienne approach of covering an obscure minor hit and turning it into some modern dancefloor fun.

That said, there is more than a little boogie to Candlewick Green's original version of "Who Do You Think You Are?" but it's to the immense credit of Stanley, Wiggs and Cracknell for bringing out in full. (The version by Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods which was a hit in North America is mostly a retread of the original barring the odd sitar spot; did no one prior to Cracknell think of singing it from a female perspective?) Respect to them as well for digging out a largely forgotten single that would have been crying out for a modern rendition. Stock Aitken Waterman wouldn't have drum machined the life out of it had someone like Hazel Dean done a cover of it a decade earlier.

But let's not go nuts here. "Who Do You Think You Are?" is a superb composition but just another fairly great Saint Etienne single. "You're in a Bad Way" blows it out of the murky Thames water. "Avenue" makes Little Debby look like a pile of puke and it's a good deal better than this as well. "Join Our Club" can get a bit much with all it's cleverness but there's really nothing like it that first couple times you put it on. This being a really grim fortnight for new releases, an irritating Alex James and a not as irritating as his detractors claim Damon Albarn (sorry, Sylvia Patterson) were right to go with this admittedly ill-considered double A-side but Saint Etienne was capable of much better. Not to mention Blur, who would soon get a whole lot better, leaving the likes of the 'Tienne well behind. And it wasn't even strictly down to their looks either.

~~~~~

Also Reviewed This Fortnight

Streetband featuring Paul Young: "Toast"

Erroneously credited to "Street Gang" on the singles review page, this 1978 novelty hit for the band that would soon evolve into The Q-Tips, who would in turn be a gateway for the lengthy and successful MOR recording career of Paul Young, is Albarn and James' runner-up for Best New Single, only losing out due to it being a reissue. I, for one, appreciate hearing Young doing something other than belting his heart out of unnecessary Joy Division and Crowded House covers and duets with Italian Madonnas. But the gag gets tiresome awfully fast. Unless, of course, they really do love their toast. I may just be bitter having not had a decent piece of toast since about 1996 or something. But if that's the worst thing going on in my life (and, let's be honest, it probably is) then I'll take it. The sort of song I can happily never listen to again.

Vic Reeves: "Born Free"

17 April 1991

"Oh dear. It's all too much, but it makes you chuckle and that exercises those all-important facial muscles, eh?"

— Miranda Sawyer

It has dulled a bit since becoming an adult but I am an Anglophile. Unless we're talking about jazz, most of my favourite music comes from the UK. I tend to favour British writers. Their films and TV shows are generally a cut above everyone else's. I'm not quite as crazy about travelling over there nowadays (all things being equal I'd much rather go back to Thailand) but I am looking forward to returning before long.

This began when I returned to Canada and immediately began to miss England — and sought out anything British as a crutch. Music was an obvious outlet but I was probably going to be into that stuff anyway. I began to turn to sitcoms, in part because the American comedies of the age were so dire (aside from The Wonder Years). If it cropped up on one government-supported channel or other and the characters had any kind of British accent I was in. It didn't even matter if I enjoyed them or not.

British sketch comedy wasn't as prevalent. We got A Bit of Fry & Laurie and, eventually, The Fast Show (though, sadly, not for very long) but not much else that I can recall. The phenomenon of Reeves & Mortimer meant nothing over in North America. It was only because of The Wonder Stuff that I had any idea who they were. Meanwhile, Canada was being rocked by The Kids in the Hall: their influence was such that I didn't need Saturday Night Live and I sure as hell didn't need tepid light entertainment, such as Vic Reeves Big Night Out, from across the pond.

Anyone approaching Vic Reeve's brief music career would never know that he was a comedian in his day job. He croons numbers like "Born Free" and its B side companion "Oh! Mr. Songwriter" with as much earnestness as an American lounge singer in a tacky old Omaha bar. Miranda Sawyer detects "many a wink and a winning smile" and I'll take her word for it — she was there and was presumably a fan — but it's all way above my head (and I stand 195 cm so the humour is awfully high up and out of reach). In a way, I can respect this since comedy is often at its finest when it's played straight, I'm just not laughing — not unlike most of his comedy.

I'm afraid the same goes when it comes to "Oh! Mr. Songwriter", the flip side which really won Sawyer's heart. It was the song that was used to play Reeves' show out so it must have already been familiar to her (which also explains its prominence on the single's cover). Good for her and all that but, once again, I'm lost when it comes to spotting the gag. Reeves was adamant that his music career be taken seriously and that he wasn't doing comedy songs and that's great. But as pop songs go neither side is up to much either.

"Born Free" is a song I assumed to be American, recorded by a singer I assumed to be American, written by a songwriting team I assumed to be American. This is where I part ways with my love all most things British: their embarrassing love for most things American. (People from the UK will deny this but you are advised not to believe a word of it) A good comic ought to have done a send up of Brit Americana. Reeves goes about it as authentically American as Matt Munro did in his original recording from 1966; again, if there's a joke in all this then by all means explain it to me. Or belittle me for being am imbecile, whatever rocks your boat.

Ultimately, it's impossible to be an Anglophile. The British themselves had no use for such a concept and the rest of the world can never be English, Scottish and/or Welsh enough to truly appreciate their culture. The bulk of the music I listen to that isn't jazz is from the UK. I tend to prefer their novelists, poets and essayists. Their films and TV dramas and comedies are typically a cut above the Americans. Yet, their are individuals who elude me. I think Delia Smith is a cook but I can't say for sure, I still don't know who Jeremy Beadle is or was and I'll never find Frankie Boyle funny. I'll just be content with The Beatles, Adrian Mole, Blackadder, the British Bulldogs, XTC, Geoff Dyer, Paddington, Kate Bush, Hugh Grant and visiting every so often.

~~~~~

Also Reviewed This Fortnight

Blur: "There's No Other Way"

And so it begins: the media's complicated relationship with Damon, Alex, Graham and Dave, the foursome that they sometimes would admire but never quite love, a gang that was supposedly "too clever by half". (Do you ever notice that no one is ever described as "too thick by half"? What's up with that?) Sawyer gets the ball rolling with an extended diatribe about what a load of pretentious gits indie bands are. Turns out, "There's No Other Way" is a banger so what does she know? Well, this would be the story of Blur, a group who would have been critical darlings but for the prejudices of those blasted critics. Sure, there were hacks who praised them from time to time but there was always a strong contingent of naysayers wishing nothing but ill will upon them. I always maintained they weren't just superior to Oasis but also Radiohead but who else took them this seriously? In any event, "There's No Other Way" is their first of many great indie pop numbers. The video is excellent too: much funnier than anything I've encountered from Vic Reeves certainly.