— Marc Andrews
Are you sure about that Marc?
I'm going to get straight to the point: this record is a big pile of crap. Not nearly as exciting, fun or inventive as it thinks it is. Way too busy and cluttered for me to enjoy it. The singing doesn't do anything for me. A great big mess. No merit whatsoever.
Marc Andrews is correct that "Wicked Love" is a copy of previous Top 10 hit "Insanity" which was also lousy. I'm convinced that he managed to choose the worst new single here and so I'm going to provide my thoughts on all of this fortnight's contenders. This will allow me to (a) see if it is indeed the most pitiful of the bunch and (b) give me the chance to write about something other than bloody "Wicked Love". Let's get to it.
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The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu: "It's Grim Up North"
The KLF, The Timelords, The One World Orchestra, The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu — and I'm probably leaving out other names that Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty used for their organization along the way. '91 was their year and they ended it in a big way, first with this thrashy racket which helpfully lists off some of England's grimmest towns and then a quick follow-up that I'll be getting to next week. Rather divorced from their fantasy Transcentral world of black and white police cars, stadium concerts and giant mobile phones which may explain why it didn't do anything beyond Britain. A clear step ahead of Oceanic but they were capable of much better.
C&C Music Factory: "Just a Touch of Love"
The law of diminishing returns is all over the singles review page this fortnight. At least C&C Music Factory managed to have three big hits before bottoming out with "Just a Touch of Love" as opposed to Oceanic and their one smash followed by a coattails riding follow-up. Not as terrible as I expected but not really my sort of thing. Next!
Cathy Dennis: "Everybody Move"
Now best known as a songwriter, Cathy Dennis had a successful pop career in her own right which peaked in 1991. She had a way with a tune and was nice to look at but she never mastered being comfortable as a pop star. Smash Hits pushed her hard but she had an easier time having hits in North America. Like C&C's "Just a Touch...", "Everybody Move" is just another ho-hum minor hit that wasn't going to convince anyone who had managed to resist her earlier chart entries. I think I liked it at the time but it could've been my hang up on redhead girls in my mid-teens that decided it for me.
New Edition: "Word to the Mutha"
A supergroup isn't really a supergroup unless current stars get together to form a band. New Edition had been a teen sensation in the eighties but then they grew up and virtually everyone involved became a star. Bobby Brown had dominated 1989 but associates Bell Biv DeVoe had stolen his thunder a year later with "Poison". And I think Ralph Tresvant had been big with one of those gloopy R&B ballads too. Then they reformed at a time when no one was demanding they do so and became one of the most forgettable band reformations in all of pop. Somehow not a hit. (Note: "Word to the Mutha" was officially credited to Bell Biv DeVoe with the others listed as guests; ver Hits was right to have gotten it wrong)
Julian Lennon: "Help Yourself"
In 1979 Bob Dylan became a born-again Christian and subsequently had a hit with "Gotta Serve Someone". Always game for taking the mickey, John Lennon responded with "Serve Yourself" which would go on to become a widely bootlegged favourite. Given the religious icons and hucksters on display in the accompanying video, it's likely that Julian was taking a page from his famous dad, right down to the Lennon-esque spoken part at the end. That said, it's one of those songs that people will describe as 'Beatley' even though it doesn't sound all that much like the Fab Four except in the generic sense. A good one which Andrews was not overly fond of for whatever reason. I was going to go with James but I think "Help Yourself" would've been my SOTF. Well done, Jules!
Shakin' Stevens: "I'll Be Home This Christmas"
There's an unwritten rule in pop that you have one shot at a Christmas hit — or at least there really ought to be. Shakey's early-nineties attempt at recreating the success of his '85 seasonal chart topper somehow managed to be even more feeble than cliche-fest "Merry Christmas Everyone" but he still had enough of a following to get into the bottom of the Top 40 with this, his first hit since "The Best Christmas of Them All" a year earlier. I doubt Cliff Richard was ever this crummy. I might even take "Wicked Love" over this nonsense.
Rozalla: "Faith (in the Power of Love)"
Zimbabwe's Rozalla Miller will be coming up in this space soon so this is serves as a bit of early research. The highlight is a searing .soprano sax part that is either synthesized or from an uncredited Courtney Pine. Rozalla's voice is a little too commanding for my taste but there are worse ways to spend three minutes. One of them is listening to Oceanic in fact.
Harry Connick Jr.: "Blue Light Red Light"/"The Bare Necessities"
"Let's light the tires and burn the fires, Big Daddy". Some people just don't know how to stick to what they're good at. Someone had to be Chet Baker-lite and it might as well have been Harry Connick Jr. "Blue Light, Red Light (Someone's There)" is an engaging recording though he sure managed to suck the fun out of "The Bare Necessities" from The Jungle Book. His nibs was clearly at his best with original material; as for standards, leave 'em for the fat lady to sing. Or Will Smith for that matter.
Belinda Carlisle: "Do You Feel Like I Feel"
Oh Belinda, the eighties are over. That quivering voice was so suited to fairlights and big drums and all that bombast so no wonder she had trouble adjusting to the next decade. I'm frankly surprised she did as well as she did during the first half of the nineties in the UK. For what it's worth I would've dug it three years' earlier. Meh.
James: "Sound"
Andrews reckons they've been on a Simple Minds trip of late and he's not wrong, even if "Sound" is nowhere near as dull as it ought to have been. Weird that they had "Born of Frustration" at their disposal but they decided to go with this as the first single from forthcoming album Seven. Then again, they strike me as the type of people who probably thought that "Sit Down" should've been a B-side. Odd choice of single but nevertheless a stellar example of the new septet James. Andy Diagram on trumpet steals the show. Incidentally, I'm beginning to fear that they'll never get their own entry on this blog. Shame.
Michael Jackson: "Black or White"
The one everyone doubtless expected to be this issue's Single of the Fortnight. Kudos to Marc for passing on it even if he could've done better; I'm right there with him in his underwhelment. Neither better nor worse than I remember it being, just sort of the same. The public had been so pleased to have Michael Jackson back (even if he wasn't even America's biggest MJ by that point) that they lapped up whatever he decided to put out. Bloody hell, that video is garbage and always was. Certainly no "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" but I think we were well past the point of expecting something genuinely great.
Extreme: "Hole Hearted"
Out to prove that they were more than a metal band desperately trying to have a hit with an acoustic ballad and they deliver...more acoustic stuff. "More Than Words" may have been crap but "Hole Hearted" was a modest improvement. Grunge is said to have killed metal (at least until the end of the nineties) but I reckon it killed itself.
Bizarre Inc.: "Playing with Knives"
Jesus Christ, what the hell was with 'Inc.' being used so often back in the nineties? There was Models Inc., Money Inc., Inc. 182, it just never ended. Can't say I'm familiar with Bizarre Inc. but this reissue of "Playing with Knives" gave them a Top 5 hit. Not much to say here but it's better than "Wicked Love" because of course it is.
Bryan Adams: "There Will Never Be Another Tonight"
It's hard to say if the mammoth popularity of "Everything I Do" helped Bryan Adams' subsequent singles from album Waking Up the Neighbours or if it caused a backlash. Imperial periods don't normally include number thirty-two hits but the fact that this and predecessor "Can't Stop This Thing We Started" ("can't stop this cause we farted") performed as well as they did was probably due to his popularity being at an all-time high. Not great and miles away from "Cuts Like a Knife" and "Summer of '69" but not quite the worst thing on offer here.
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Fourteen also rans and all but one are at least a bit better than "Wicked Love". But respect to Marc Andrews nonetheless: he avoided the obivous pick (MJ) and failed to be swayed by trendier types. He went with his favourite and good for him. The fact that his favourite is bloody awful matters little in the end.
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Not Reviewed This Fortnight
Eg & Alice: "Doesn't Mean That Much to Me"
Reduced to a mention in the singles review sidebar but I've been a backer of Eg & Alice and their great lost album 24 Years of Hunger for so long that I just had to include them. Honestly, "Doesn't Mean That Much to Me" wouldn't have been my first pick as a single to promote the ex-Brother Beyond member's team-up with a former model and BMX champ but their sole LP of dense and moody sophisti-pop isn't exactly loaded with potential hits. This is one of the finest examples of how beautifully Eg White and Alice Temple harmonized. People often wonder why they weren't bigger but I just wish they'd recorded more together. Well ahead of virtually everything else here is this fortnight...yes, even Oceanic.
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