— Mark Ellen
Letters
Smash Hits Letters
52-55 Carnaby Street
London W1V 1PF
£5 record token for the viewer who we take pity on the most.
~~~~~
OH LOUISE, won't you smile at me
Like that time in R.E.?
Miss Wickens spoke with scorn
Though she seem rather forlorn
Telling us to compose our own private creed
(Mistaking me perhaps for the Venerable Bede)
Then you shot me a glance
And my heart did a dance
But ever since then you just look away
Though my eyes, they refuse to stray.
You act as if you simply don't care
Of my heart, you just aren't aware
And that's why Louise, I really must speak
Because my will goes ever so weak
I swear I won't touch
I just wish to be with you so much
And now all I want is to see you again
Though I know not where or when
Maybe it will be over half-term break
When you're out for a stroll 'round Appleby Lake
Then you'll pop over to mine on Galveston Road
We'll listen to Altered Images and Depeche Mode
Maybe you'll even smile at me
Like you did that time in R.E.
Graham D., Cheltenham
Are you sure this Louise of your's doesn't prefer other groups? Groups that might make her smile more than once? Groups that do not make her look away? Groups that she'll happily spend half-hols with? Have a record token so you might impress her more. Just a bit of advice from one lonely git to another.
~~~~~
Q: IF THE members of Depeche Mode became members of MI6, what would they call themselves?
A: Basildon Bond.
Lucy, Torquay
~~~~~
WHAT A nice surprise to see the newly three-piece Depeche Mode on the cover of the latest issue of Smash Hits! My delight only grew when I saw that the wonderful Mr. Mark Ellen named their latest hit See You as his single of the week! I suppose I ought to be grateful that the Hits has finally started to recognise the abilities of Basildon's finest but I can't help but feel a slight sense of anticlimax: what took you so bloomin' long?
Depeche Mode have been gradually gaining momentum over the last year or so and it has been disappointing that the music press has ignored them up until now in favour of Haircut One Hundred and The Police. What do they have that the Mode doesn't? Do third form students jot down Sting's lyrics in the margins of their notebooks in the middle of geography class? Do the Haircuts inspire a dreamscape world of art, groovy people and philosophy? I think not!
Good job but try harder with emerging acts next time.
Nancy, Braintree
We imagine that Haircut 100 and Bucks Fizz inspire a love of pop music in people, as do Depeche Mode. But our apologies nonetheless. The next time synth-noodlers from an English New Town emerge from the shadows we'll be there. Count on it!
~~~~~
WELL DONE, Mark Ellen. You had so many good records to choose from. You had The Jam. Spandau Ballet. Soft Cell. Japan. Bow Wow Wow. I would've even accepted Hazel O'Connor for god's sake! But to pick those talentless turds Depeche Mode? I'll admit that "Just Can't Get Enough" was all right but all the pop flash they had has departed along with Vince Clarke. I can't believe you'd praise something so dull and lacking in merit. If they're light years ahead then I'd hate to see what's in our future. Thankfully they've had their last hit and we won't be hearing from them again, you watch. Write in and complain about that!
Richard Skegness
We'll hold you to that, Rich. Send us a crate of Skegness Rock to the address above if the Deps do manage to eek out one more hit.
~~~~~
I notice that Depeche Mode's latest single has the line "I know five years is a long time and that times change". With that in mind I thought I share my predictions about what the pop world will be like for them in 1987.
1) Vince Clarke begs his old band to bring him back. They only agree but he is relegated to being a junior member as punishment. His lyrics are even tweer than ever.
2) Andy Fletcher solves the problem of their dull live shows by frolicking about on stage like Heidi. Depeche Mode's popularity goes through the roof but he can never show his face in Basildon again.
3) Martin Gore discovers that he is indeed the genius Vince pegged him to be. His genius is for knitting. He revolutionizes the Irish wool jumper industry.
4) Dave Gahan becomes an even bigger pop pin-up than he already is. This, however, leads him more in the direction of pure pop which makes the group's old audience cross. Sensibly, he chooses the adoration of girls over students.
5) This Alan Wilder bloke eventually becomes a full-time member (even he has seniority over Vince!) but he quickly becomes the one no one knows anything about. Mums are over Britain reckon he's "dishy".
Dillon, Cambridge
~~~~~
DID YOU know that if you rearrange the letters of Depeche Mode you get 'Chop Me Dee Dee'. What a violent image.
Terry, Arundel
So what? If you do the same for Kim Wilde you get 'Wide Milk'. Toyah turns into 'Ya Hot'. ABC becomes 'Cab'. Duran Duran...'And And Ru Ru"? We've been struggling for an anagram for Dexys Midnight Runners. Suggestions to the address above. A five quid record token to anyone who can manage it.
~~~~~
Also Reviewed This Fortnight
Soft Cell: "Say Hello Wave Goodbye"
SOFT CELL'S records ever since "Tainted Love" have been missing something, haven't they? It's almost as if they've been incomplete. With this in mind, I have decide to try to improve on "Say Hello Wave Goodbye". Mark Ellen thinks the words are up to much and I think he's on to something. Starting with The Jam and Elvis Costello and working backwards from there, I'm going to take the lyrics of other songs and see if they fit better. Eventually I'll find something deep and poetic that works and helps to make it into a much better song. Then I'll send it to Marc Almond and Dave Norris, If they don't like it, maybe I'll record it instead. Who knows? Maybe I'll be in the pages of Smash Hits someday!
David G., Sale, Cheshire
We at Smash Hits salute your efforts David. The songs of Weller and Costello will be good starting off points but you may want to try someone a little older. The late John Lennon perhaps. Or Ian Anderson from ancient progers Jethro Tull. Maybe Ulster shouter Van Morrison even...
(Click here for earlier correspondence from ver "kids". They're largely the same only not as good. Not unlike if you compare Soft Cell's "Say Hello..." to David G.'s way off in the future)
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