— Tony Cross
Showier than Snow
Let's be honest: the man born Darrin O'Brien who hailed from Toronto was not half as naff as many of us thought. No, he did not suck to anywhere near the extent of Vanilla Ice, the white-bred rap superstar with whom he was typically compared. Nevertheless, while "Informer" is all right, it's no "Boom Shack-a-Lack". While the former deals with Snow's criminal past, it doesn't help that he undermines the seriousness with those "a-licky boom boom now" absurdities. "Boom Shack-a-Lack" is all about doing some dance or getting down to the new "stylee" but delivered with authority. Why not frighten and entertain at once?
Flyer than Pliers
There were many, many, many Chaka Demus & Pliers hits back in '93 and '94. They all seemed to come from the same album that featured the pair looking like gangsta rappers on the cover; not that I needed to buy Tease Me since their hits seemed to pop up on every Now That's What I Call Music compilation back then. Their brand of dancehall reggae could be good fun but it could also go a very long way, making them well-suited to all those Nows. They couldn't possibly match the ferocity of "Boom Shack-a-Lack" which is also happens to be as fun a romp as anything the Jamaican duo was capable of. Plus, that guttural, dirty sound of Apache Indian is the real noise of the streets.
Maxier than Maxi
Oh, how I once hoped for so much from Maxi Priest. His cover of "Wild World" remains a delight while his American number one smash "Close to You" really made it seem like his was going to be huge. I'm sure he did all right for himself though. Granted, Apache Indian didn't end up having the "legs" for a sustained run of hits either but when you've got a smash hit like "Boom Shack-a-Lack" then you can take it to the max(i) and never look back.
As...Asw...Wad... (something, something) than Aswad
They say Aswad once meant something. They used to headline those 'Rock Against Racism' shows (often, funnily enough, as one of the few acts of colour on the bill). Later, they would finally become a chart act by putting out some of the most milquetoast reggae you'll ever hear. Mind you, I don't hate all of it but my indifference is such that I don't care to ever hear them again. Apache Indian doesn't "do" indifference. He tweaks indifference in the nose. He pisses all over it. You want indifference? Find religion!
Slobbier than Blobby
Or not. But a hot reggae-ish novelty song from Apache Indian could've potentially given "Mr. Blobby" a run for its money in the '93 Christmas Number One stakes. If only...
More 40-fied than UB-bloody-40
The low hanging fruit but one I'm more than happy to barely stretch my arms out to grab hold of. "King", "One in Ten", "Rat in Mi Kitchen" and "Kingston Town" are all great but their descent into cover version hell ruined those fleeting moments in which UB-bloody-40 wasn't Britain's ghastliest band. "(I Can't Help) Falling in Love with You" might have given them yet another chart topper but who with an interest in exploring music, in having their minds expanded, could have opted for it over "Boom Shack-a-Lack". Not so much music for people who don't like music; more like music for people who are dead inside.
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Also Reviewed This Fortnight
SWV: "Right Here (Human Nature Remix)"
Voguer than En Vogue
The original version of "Right Here" is perfectly acceptable R&B pop of the age. Michael Jackson's "Human Nature" from Thriller isn't quite up to the standard of Jacko's dancefloor masterworks but it is one of his stronger heart-tuggers, a type of song he didn't always nail. Together, however, the two make magic. That sampled Jackson wail gives "Right Here" a dream-like, floating vibe that is impossible to resist. En Vogue may have been more memorable and TLC had charisma and songcraft but SWV had something as well. They had Jacko for a start.
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